what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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