There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
