I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
