so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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