I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
