I think I am morally bankrupt
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
