Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Randomize
