Swine flu is the new snow day.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
