i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You ate ashes out of my bong
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
