I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Randomize
