I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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