and you said cock pushups were impossible
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
