Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
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I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
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Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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