She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
