they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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