Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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