My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
