Capitaan dildo arrescate!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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