i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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