All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
