I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
