If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
