My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
