Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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