i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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