I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
