Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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