you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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