I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
