her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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