New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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