I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Randomize
