Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
