took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
