its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
