My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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