I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
