he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
