1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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