We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
