I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
