I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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