if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
