i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I am available for nakedness
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
