I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
