So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
