I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
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Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
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her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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