I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
