That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
