It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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