Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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