I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
