My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize