OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
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We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
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Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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