I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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