I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
