I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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