do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
