Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
