Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
