imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
