Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
