I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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