I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
