The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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